A Sharing of Marital Secrets- Excerpt #46

Parenting (part 2 of 3)

So many kids, especially boys, start getting into trouble the closer they get to finishing high school. They are scared. After all, they are old enough to see that a lot of people aren’t doing so well in the world. Some are on welfare, some on the streets, some steal to make a living. They see all of this, and they just get plain scared. They wonder how will they make a living… how they will get a nice house, a nice car and nice clothes. They wonder how they will get the things that their parents have provided for them.

Rather than look like a personal failure, it soothes their hearts to blame their failure on drugs, alcohol or what have you. We need to let our kids know that we don’t expect them to be able to afford all of the things that they have been accustomed to right off the bat. Parents should share some of their personal experiences about when they first left home and were on their own. It lets kids know that it is probably not going to be easy starting out, but they too can make it in this world.

When you start letting go slowly while they are still home, kids do learn to trust their own decisions more. It really is a long process. One of the ways I started letting go of Chloè was to stop asking about her homework. Now mind you, I was still asking Clayton and checking his homework because he is three years younger. When I first started letting go, Chloè’s grades dropped. But instead of panicking and checking her homework again, I let her face the consequences. The consequences were losing phone and TV privileges for a couple of weeks. And when I said two weeks, that is what I meant. After this, her grades would always improve without my help. This process was building her self-confidence.

When things suddenly change in the household, it is wise to inform the kids. When I started my “hands-off” strategy, I noticed that Chloè seemed sad and was trying to get some attention. I realized what was going on, so I sat her down and we had a talk. I told her I was giving her the room she needed to grow into a responsible adult. “It’s hard for a parent to step back and watch their children make mistakes. But you need room to make your own decisions, even if that means that you mess up sometimes. You need room to make mistakes while you are still at home.” After our conversation, Chloè’s attitude and behavior seemed to return to normal. One thing did change, though. She was more confident than ever.

To Be Continued... Copyright 2000 by Abby Gail Smith (pen name of Robbie S. Redmon) All rights reserved.
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A Sharing of Marital Secrets- Excerpt #45

Parenting (part 1 of 3)

One day we got on the subject of raising children. She loved her little boy, and she wanted the best for him. I cautioned her about trying to be his best friend. “He will have plenty of friends, but he needs you to be his mother. You’re the one person he can look up to and depend on to tell him what is right.”

Her son had been misbehaving since his father left. He was only two or three at the time. We talked about setting up a reward and consequences program with her son. I told her the main thing was that she stay in control of her household, being firm yet fair with her son. I told her that Craig and I have never looked at our two children as cute little dolls. We have always looked at them as two people we are responsible for preparing to live productively in this world. We take parenthood just as serious as our marriage. We are strict, firm, but fair parents, and our kids know they are loved. They know that our family takes priority in our lives.

And we try our best to walk right before them -- to be good examples. We use our marriage and our family life as a classroom for our kids to learn how to treat their future husband, wife and children. We model respect and open communication. We are their example, and we don’t take that lightly.

With our kids, Craig and I always try to show a united force. If we have a disagreement about how to handle one of the kids, we discuss the point out of their hearing range. Some of our biggest disagreements have been over the kids and how they should be raised. Being two different people with two different opinions makes that natural, but we do respect each other’s right to have an opinion. Ultimately, we know that each of us only wants the best for our children.

When our kids were teenagers, it was a challenge. I would not -- could not -- have done it without divine intervention. Anytime a situation came up, even everyday stuff, I asked God to give me guidance. I believed He would answer, and sure enough, He revealed what to say or do. My job then became putting the revelation into action. Then, when I said or did what was revealed to me and it turned out right (and it always did), the only one I could thank for it was God.

In order to be effective parents, you have to be consistent and have rules that are enforced. Kids need to grow up in an environment with structure and boundaries. As they grow and learn the importance of rules and self-control, the parents have to learn to let go.

We have to start slowly letting go, even while they are still at home. They need opportunities to test their wings before they leave the nest. They need to see for themselves that they can make good decisions. Letting go slowly while they are still at home builds their confidence.

To Be Continued... Copyright 2000 by Abby Gail Smith (pen name of Robbie S. Redmon) All rights reserved.
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A Sharing of Marital Secrets- Excerpt #44

Charting Your Path (part 3 of 3)

A few years later, a lady who was a long-term substitute teacher in the classroom right next to me became a good friend. She was going through a very difficult time in her life. A former friend had taken her husband, leaving her and her small son to fend for themselves. After being divorced for a year, she was still bitter and did not know how to get her life back on track. She was always in church… always. Nevertheless, she was still searching for something… searching for happiness.

I started sharing with her about mapping and building her future at that moment in time. I tried to explain how to have faith in things that are good and stop holding on to all the bad things in her past. She became very interested in mapping and asked me a lot of questions about how to map for herself. I told her I would show her my board, which is something I had never done before, being the private person that I am. But I was compelled to share my desires with her and show her how to map out her own desires. Actually, through the process of mapping, you realize sometimes for the first time what your desires really are.

The next day, I took my mapping board to school with me, and I told my friend we could talk about it during lunch.

During my planning period, Craig showed up in the doorway of my classroom. Girl, he looked so good. Unfortunately, he was getting ready to catch an airplane to California, and I always get sad when he leaves. Craig came to say goodbye and tell me that he would phone every chance he could. He’s always so good about that. While Craig was there, I introduced him to my friend. After he left, she said, “Wow, he’s handsome.” Pooching out my bottom lip to pout, I explained that he was on his way out of town. “Poor baby,” she said. “He’ll be back.”

We joined up later in my classroom to discuss mapping. She was really going through a difficult time in her life. And being the single parent of a little boy, she longed to be married again. Sometimes, she got depressed because she felt undesirable even though she was a pretty woman. Her self-esteem was so low.

I talked to her about imaging before we got to the subject of mapping. “Close your eyes and think of your wedding day,” I told her. She closed her eyes. “Visualize yourself in your wedding dress walking down that aisle, thanking God for the person He sent into your life. Walk down that aisle knowing in your heart you have made the right choice.”

I warned her against putting a face on her groom. “Let God bring the right man to you,” I said. “Don’t worry about how or when. Just know that He will give you the desires of your heart. Every time you start to doubt that you will get married again, just visualize your wedding again and feel all of the emotions. Believe it’s real.” She opened her eyes and smiled like she felt full of hope. I couldn’t help but smile back.

On top of feeling lonely, she was making decisions about daycare centers and schooling for her son. I told her, “Every time you have to make a difficult decision, pray about it first. Then imagine how you would feel making the right decision. Imagine how grateful and thankful you would feel as everything worked out for the best,” I told her. “Now, believe you are experiencing that right now, and you will be led down the right path.” I reminded her that God is not the author of confusion.

Finally, I pulled out my mapping and explained how it worked so she could do one of her own. We talked about what each image represented. Then she noticed the picture of a Volvo 240 on the left side of the page. I told her that I had cut that picture out of the newspaper and colored it red myself. She looked at me kind of puzzled and said, “You drive a red Volvo 240, don’t you?”

“I do now, but when I placed that picture on the page at the beginning of the year, I didn’t know how we would be able to own one. I just believed we would.” She just grinned.

It was turning out to be an enjoyable lunch period. We went on down the page as it showed my desire to travel. I had little pictures of airline tickets cut out of a magazine, an airplane tilted up like it was taking off and a picture of two people walking by the ocean. That’s when I became very quiet, and my eyes moved from the travel scenes to the lower right side of the page. I could not believe my eyes! I had a picture of a stack of money beside the words, “IBM Club.” Tears rolled, and I mean rolled, down my cheeks.

“What is it?” she asked.

With tears still streaming down, I said, “This is where Craig is going. He’s on his way to the club today. Right now!”

I explained to her that Craig was in marketing, and the IBM Club was IBM’s way of rewarding their top performers for the year. It was Craig’s first year in marketing, and putting the IBM Club on my mapping page was a long shot. She looked at me and said, “Aren’t you glad you did?”

I looked at her again and she said, “What?”

“In three days I’ll be meeting Craig in Los Angeles, and from there, we’re going to fly to Hawaii for five days and four nights. It is going to be a honeymoon for us since we never had one before.”

She looked back at my mapping page and before I knew it, we were both standing there with tears in our eyes. Actually, by then, I was pacing back and forth with my arms stretched towards heaven, thanking God for my many blessings.

As our lunch period came to a close, she hugged me and said, “You are sooo blessed. You don’t know how much you have helped me.” From that point on, we became very good friends. We talked about anything and everything while she was on her long-term substitute assignment.

To Be Continued... Copyright 2000 by Abby Gail Smith (pen name of Robbie S. Redmon) All rights reserved.
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A Sharing of Marital Secrets- Excerpt #43

Charting Your Path (part 2 of 3)

Earlier that year, I was getting dressed to go shopping and discovered that I could not tie up my tennis shoes. I was so embarrassed, but I asked Craig to tie them up for me. By the time he finished, tears were running down my cheeks. I had not realized that I had gotten that big. Craig hugged me and said, “I love you just the way you are, but I want you to be happy. I can’t stand it when you are unhappy no matter what the reason.”

I started a reputable diet program that following Monday. It took me a year and a half to lose 65 pounds, but it was a healthy choice. The one thing that really helped me lose weight over such a long period of time was keeping a personal diary. I took that diary everywhere, and I used it as therapy. The hardest times for me were weekends when I was out and about with my family.

I remember one time we were out when Craig stopped at a gas station and asked if we wanted anything to snack on. I said, “No,” but the kids said, “I do! I do!” Craig came back with Cheetos.
When I heard the bags opening and smelled the aroma of those chips, I grabbed my diary, and wrote, “Dear God, they are back there with those Cheetos. Please, please, help me to be strong. I know I am learning how to eat properly, and my weight is coming off slowly, which means I will keep it off. Please Lord, help me not to give in to temptation. Don’t let me turn around and take those chips.” I would just write and write until I convinced myself and the urge to cheat passed. That really worked for me.

To Be Continued... Copyright 2000 by Abby Gail Smith (pen name of Robbie S. Redmon) All rights reserved.
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A Sharing of Marital Secrets- Excerpt #42

Charting Your Path (part 1 of 3)

Have you ever heard of mapping or blueprinting for life? Basically, it means establishing your desires for the upcoming years. I am sure by now, you understand that you have to know what your desires are before you can see them, feel them and believe them.

At the first of every year, I do this thing called mapping, and it has been a tremendous blessing in my life. I sit in the middle of my den in front of the fireplace, and I have with me a blank, full-size photo album page – the kind with the peel-back plastic and sticky sheet. I also take a pair of scissors, a glue stick (just in case I need a little extra sticky stuff) and all of the magazines I can find in the house. Sometimes, I have to buy a few beforehand to add to the collection.

I ask God to guide me and inspire me as I make my desires known. I also ask Him to help me have the faith I need to see my desires materialize into the substance I hope for. I thank Him, and then I begin.

I always go through each one of my magazines searching… looking for pictures and words that represent my desires. And I always cut out the numerical year as large as I can find it and stick it at the very top of the page.

I remember the first time I did this. Included in the many desires I had posted all over my photobook page were a happy family, healthy looking hair, divine guidance, financial security, vacation getaways and inner beauty. Also represented were my desires to quit smoking and lose weight down to a healthy size.

To impress upon my mind the idea that I had quit smoking, I found an ad showing a cigarette between a woman’s fingers. I cut that part of the picture out in the shape of a circle and stuck it to the page. Then, I cut out a thin strip, put glue on the back and placed it diagonally across the picture of the hand with the cigarette. In my mind, that image said, “No Smoking.”

To impress my desire to lose weight and look good, I cut out the words “slim” and “sassy” and stuck them on the page. Beside these words, I put a small picture of women working out in a health club facility, exercise machines and all.

By the time I actually quit smoking, I had forgotten that it was among one of my goals for that year. When I do my mapping at the beginning of the year, I try to make a lasting impression in my mind with the pictures I choose. I always pray for guidance in this area because the better the impression, the easier it is to feel it. And if you can feel it, you can allow yourself to believe it. So, I make the best impression I can and go on.

I had tried for years to quit smoking. I called getting through the day on a pack and a half, “Cutting back.” The biggest problem was that I really enjoyed smoking. Smoking was very relaxing, and I especially enjoyed the after-dinner smokes and smoking on long road trips. But I knew smoking was not a good habit to have. My kids were in elementary school, and they were learning about the hazards of smoking and pleading with me to stop. Craig had stopped cold turkey a few years earlier during a bout with the flu, and he never picked up another one again.

One time, I decided to take a carton of cigarettes, box and all, and put it on the barbecue grill. I thought, maybe if I burned the cigarettes on the grill, the smell would be so strong that it would make me sick from the fumes.

Well, I put the carton of cigarettes on the grill and started the fire. And guess what? The smell of all those cigarettes did make me nauseous. I made myself stand there in the midst of a hot Texas summer afternoon until the last piece of paper turned to ash. The smell was so strong, I vowed I would not touch another cigarette. That lasted until two o’clock the next morning.

Before the year I started mapping, every attempt I made at quitting smoking was futile. I just put the suggestion on my board and forgot about it. I did not worry about how it was going to happen and when, I just believed it would.

During that year, I was working on a temporary job when a friend of mine told me about a guy we worked with who had just been diagnosed with cancer. When the surgeon opened him up, he determined that the cancer was too bad and there was nothing he could do. The cancer had spread all over his body, so they just closed him back up. Now, let me tell you, that did something to me. I just kept seeing flashes of this guy chain smoking like he always did.

I told Craig that I had to quit smoking, but I didn’t know how. I had tried everything. He advised me to call a counselor. The counseling center told me that it had a one-week program that cost $400. I told her that the price was pretty steep and that I would have to talk it over with my husband. “Do it!” Craig said. “I’ll check with our insurance and see if they will reimburse us.”
I started the program on a Monday evening. The counselor told me over the phone to have my last cigarette the Sunday night before. When I arrived for my appointment, I had not had a cigarette all day and I was very apprehensive. I sat and talked with the counselor and told her how I had tried to quit so many times in the past. As I was still trying to make up my mind to go through the program, she looked at me and said, “If you still want a cigarette Friday, I’ll give you your money back.” And with that, I said, “Okay, you’ve got a deal.”

I started the program right then. She took me into a small room with individual cubbyholes. I sat down at one of the stalls. All that was there was this big ashtray, a waste can and a big cut out picture of a diseased lung.

There were ashes and cigarette butts everywhere... the desk, the floor, the waste can, the ashtray. Everywhere! The counselor explained all the rules, “During this week, the only time you can smoke is in this room. Don’t wash your hair or your outer clothing this week. Just put your clothing in a pile in your closet each evening until this week is up.”

After those instructions, she laid a carton of my brand of cigarettes in front of me. Then, she put a little box shaped device on my right hand. She explained that every time I raised my arm to smoke a cigarette, it would give a little shock that was more of an annoyance than anything else.

The counselor opened the carton of cigarettes and took out a pack. She opened the pack, gave me one and told me to light it without inhaling. She told me to smoke it all the way down to the filter, taking short puffs, being careful not to inhale, and then blowing the smoke out. The object was to try to get through that whole carton in one session, which caused rapid movement of my arms, which caused that box to shock me every second to the point of utter annoyance.

I did that every evening for five days. On the third day, I was shown a tape about emphysema, which is what my grandfather died from a few years earlier. The counselor also told me that the cigarette ads often times show beautiful women, but they never show the beautiful women with a cigarette in their mouth. They know that smoking does not make a woman look beautiful. That was something that really hit home. After all, that was the reason I started smoking. I started smoking at age 16 because I thought it would make me look sophisticated, beautiful and cool – just like the women in the ads. But my counselor was right. I have yet to see a cigarette ad with the cigarette in the woman’s mouth.

My counselor told me that once the week was over, if I never gave in to smoking that first cigarette, I would never smoke again. I tell you, after enduring those daily smoke sessions, smelling smoke in my clothes every time I walked into my closet and learning it was okay not knowing what to do with my hands without a cigarette stuck in them, I did not want to see, taste nor smell another cigarette ever.

The thought of smoking today, well over ten years later, causes me to have a slight cough. It’s a reminder that smoking is not for me.

Would you believe that in that year of mapping, I quit smoking and I was on my way to losing 65 pounds? I sure was.

To Be Continued... Copyright 2000 by Abby Gail Smith (pen name of Robbie S. Redmon) All rights reserved.
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A Sharing of Marital Secrets- Excerpt #41

Trusting God (part 2 of 2)

When it was time to plan our next vacation, we could not think of a trip without a stop in Colorado Springs. So, we decided to go from Dallas to Colorado Springs, from there to Aspen, then to Utah, on to Las Vegas, then to the Grand Canyon and finally back to Dallas.

That July day, we arrived in Colorado Springs, Colorado, with even more excitement than we had the first time. Mind you, I always pray about our vacations before we leave. I pray that God will make it an enjoyable and exciting adventure.

After a day of sightseeing and lounging at the pool, we woke early the following day to prepare to hit the mountains. Craig did not have to tell us to get our coats and blankets this time, and he promised he would make an effort to look at the scenery.

As we approached the entrance to Pikes Peak, we noticed the long line of cars making U-turns; turning back, I guessed. When it was our turn at the gate, the guard told us that Pikes Peak was closed because of the annual Fourth of July race. Of course, that was the first time we heard of a race, and if we had known, we would have gone to our mountain the day before. Oh, I was so disappointed. We were deflated. Ordinarily, I would have tried to pump some life back into my family with a ”Let’s…” or “What about…?” But not this time. I just laid my head back on the headrest and closed my eyes.

I could feel my attitude turning negative and becoming out of control. Being in the middle of PMS did not help the situation one bit, if you know what I mean (and I know you do). Anyway, I didn’t like my actions, and I sure didn’t want to ruin our trip by being a sourpuss. I prayed, “Lord, help. I’m sorry for my behavior. I asked you to help us have a wonderful vacation and I know you will. Thank you.” Right in there, right between me finishing my silent prayer and the peace from God returning to me, Craig said, “Baby, there are other mountains, we’ll just have to find out how to get to them.”

Vowing that we were going to make the best of our trip, we decided to head on to Aspen. But instead of going out the way we mapped, Craig gave into his sense of adventure and decided to go by way of Independence Pass.

Within two hours, I was saying to Craig, “Can you believe all this beauty? Craig, if we had gone to Pikes Peak, imagine what we would have missed!” We were in a state of awe and my heart was praising God all the way. All I could say was, “Thank you, Lord.”

To Be Continued... Copyright 2000 by Abby Gail Smith (pen name of Robbie S. Redmon) All rights reserved.
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A Sharing of Marital Secrets- Excerpt #40

Trusting God (part 1 of 2)

I learned another dimension to God’s love when we trust Him while on vacation in Colorado Springs. Our first trip there was such a beautiful experience. The snow-capped Rocky Mountains absolutely took our breath away. We had so much fun, and the highlight of our whole trip was the drive to the top of Pikes Peak.

We woke up early that morning to prepare for the trip to the top of the mountain, and Craig reminded us to bring along our coats and blankets. “It may be 75 degrees now, but as we climb that mountain, it’s going to get colder and colder,” he explained. Now, deep down, I didn’t think Craig really knew what he was talking about. After all, this was his first time going to the top of a mountain, too. But, like we always try to do, we followed his advice.

We loaded our van down with blankets, pillows, coats, scarves, gloves and caps and then stopped at the neighborhood grocery store to buy some food for the trek. We were ready for our adventure. We checked in at the guard’s desk at the Pike’s Peak entrance where we were advised of the safety precautions and rules. After checking our brakes, we were given the clearance to go.

It was such a beautiful ride up. When we started out, Craig was driving, talking, laughing and looking around at all the beauty. But the further up that mountain we went, the quieter Craig became.

“Baby, are you all right?”

“Yeah I’m just trying to pay attention to what I’m doing.”

“But, baby, you’re missing all the scenery. See, look at that! That sooo beautiful.”

“No, ya’ll go on and look. I’ve got to keep my eyes on the road. I’ll look later.”

“Okay, but you sure are missing a lot of beauty.”

We kept going higher until we reached the halfway point. There was a rest area with restrooms and shops, so we got out and looked around, especially Craig. He had missed so much on the ride up. We pulled our hatch up on the van, and the four of us sat in the back with our feet dangling as we ate our lunch. It was so beautiful.

“Well, are we ready to finish this journey upward? ” Craig asked. We all said, “Yes!” So off we were again. We went up, up, up. Now if you think Craig kept his eyes on the road before, let me tell you, that man didn’t turn his head to the left or to the right for anything this time.

Finally, I said, “Craig, you have got to either slow down a lot or pull over and stop. Honey, you have to see this. It’s too beautiful not to share.”

He pulled over on the shoulder as far as he could and stopped. He looked all around, and his eyes lit up. “I have never in my whole life seen anything more beautiful,” he said. It gave me so much joy to see him take it all in.

We jumped back in the van and continued going up, up, up Pikes Peak. Now, if you had been a fly on the windshield of that van, you would have laughed your wings off. Craig was still looking straight ahead, while I was looking around and hollering, “Oh, my goodness! Oh, my goodness!” Chloé’s hands covered her face as she peeked between her fingers to view the awesomeness of the mountains. Meanwhile, Clayton was at the back of the van on the floor, praying and confessing all his sins from his earliest memories and promising never to do them again. By that time, Craig was laughing at all of us. I guess he looked out of the corner of his eye and used his rear view mirror to see that we all had on our coats, hats, gloves and scarves. On top of all that, we were all wrapped in our blankets. Well, Clayton was holding a tent meeting under his.

When we finally got to the top, we hurled out of that van with such excitement. First, it started snowing, and then the blizzard came. Yes, a blizzard! When a voice came over the loud speaker warning of an electrical storm, we hurried inside the souvenir shop for cover. We rested there a few hours while we waited for the snow to let up.

I’ll never forget our experiences on Pikes Peak. When we finally made it back down to the foot of the mountain, it was 75 degrees and drizzling.

We went the whole year talking about our Colorado trip. There were times during the year when I would get to feeling down, and I would just think about the beauty of the Rocky Mountains. That alone would just lift my spirits. I figured, if God can do all that so majestically, then He can certainly take care of my little problems.

To Be Continued... Copyright 2000 by Abby Gail Smith (pen name of Robbie S. Redmon) All rights reserved.
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A Sharing of Marital Secrets- Excerpt #39

An Obedient Heart (part 2 of 2)

I used my parents’ teachings to raise my own children. As an adult, I can still feel the affects of their lessons.

Here’s a perfect example. Years ago, when Craig was in the midst of his career with IBM, I was in between jobs. I had just finished my B.A. degree, and I had this burning desire to work for IBM, also. The company had several “supplemental” positions available in their customer service department; “supplemental” meant these were three-month temporary positions. After three months in the position, the managers would make the decision whether to hire the individual or not. I decided it would be a good way for me to get my foot in the door, so I and about 10 or 15 others took the positions.

I worked hard. I wanted that job and the benefits. I also wanted the prestige that came when both husband and wife work for IBM. There really were a bunch of great workers in the running with me. We came up to the end of the three months and guess what? IBM had a company-wide hiring freeze. They could not hire any of us. Instead, the managers extended our contracts another three months. We were so grateful, so full of hope, and we worked even harder. By the time another three months rolled around, the hiring freeze still had not let up. We were all devastated, to say the least. Because of company rules or something, they could not extend our time. They had to let us all go, and that was certainly a sad, sad day.

Well, I found other things to do including substitute teaching, but deep down, I really wanted to work for IBM.

About a year or so later, Craig heard that they were hiring in the customer service department again. I sent IBM an updated résumé and was granted an interview within the week. I thought the interview went well.

By then, the managers in this department were all different. In fact, some of the people who were on the phones taking customer service calls when I was there had become managers. The manager I interviewed with had already been informed of my prior performance. He was impressed, or so he said. Well, I waited to hear if I was going to get the job. I was confident. After all, I was already trained to fulfill the duties. Everything was stacked in my favor.

A week passed, but I didn’t hear anything. I got anxious and decided to call the interviewing manager. “I’m sorry Mrs. Smith, but the competition was stiff. We gave the job to another candidate. You should be receiving your letter in the mail soon.” Needless to say, I was crushed. I hung up the telephone and cried like a little baby.

A few minutes later, Craig called. He was also shocked that I did not get the position. I know he hated to hear how broken I was, but I was so hurt! After I hung up with Craig, I laid back across the bed and cried. Yet from somewhere, I seemed to be comforted. “Lord, I know you know what’s best for me.” I prayed, “I don’t understand what’s happening right now, but I do know that you love me. Maybe you have a better job for me. I don’t know; just please take care of me.” Within a few more minutes, I was able to relax, nestled in a feeling of complete peace.

You know, God really does know what He is doing. I went on and became a certified special education teacher. Now I have a career with excellent retirement benefits. Plus, every holiday and vacation, I was off with the kids; they never had to come home to an empty house.

The pay in the public schools is not terrific, but the job itself is rewarding. I love helping children see their own self worth. Some of my students come from broken homes. I try to make the seven hours a day that they are with me as positive, pleasurable and loving as possible. Special education or regular education, it does not matter. Kids respond to genuine love. They know when someone cares about them.

As it turns out, the cutbacks at IBM weren’t over with yet. A couple of years ago, Craig took IBM’s early leave package to avoid a possible layoff. While we anticipated that it may take a couple of months for Craig to find a new job, he was out of work for a year and a half. Instead of building a nest egg with his IBM leave package, we spent all of that money on day-to-day expenses during that dry spell.

Now, If I had gotten that job years earlier with IBM, I may have been out of work when he was, or at least worrying about if I would be the next one to go. But instead, my teaching job – my career – and God put food on the table and carried us through Craig’s months of unemployment.

Working for IBM was the ultimate opportunity at one time to me. I never would have left that job to go into the teacher-training program that I did. And do you know what else? If special education had not been the only opening available in the program that year, I never would have gone into that particular field of education. That would have been a shame, because I absolutely love what I do.

There were many times during those 18 months that Craig heard me say, “Thank God, I didn’t get that job!"” So, you see? God knew. He knew what I had no way of knowing.

I certainly do believe that my mother and my father were responsible for helping me develop an obedient heart at an early age. That’s what has kept me from being bitter when I don’t get what I want. They taught me how to accept being told no.

To Be Continued... Copyright 2000 by Abby Gail Smith (pen name of Robbie S. Redmon) All rights reserved.
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A Sharing of Marital Secrets- Excerpt #38

An Obedient Heart (part 1 of 2)

The way my parents raised me helped prepare me to handle a very important fact of life – you don’t always get what you want when you want it. They reared me by tilling the soil of my heart and making it right for sowing the seeds of patience, obedience and understanding.

When I was a teenager, my parents were not afraid to tell me no. “No, you can’t go…” “No you can’t have…” “No.”

My mother said that when she was growing up, her parents did not give her everything she wanted either. Her father often told her that if he said yes to everything, she may not know how to accept no when she became an adult. And life certainly does say no sometimes.

“If my father had given me everything I wanted, your dad and I would probably not have made it through our first few years of marriage,” Mom told me. “Those were tough times and I had to do without a lot of things. If I hadn’t known how to accept that there were things I just could not have or buy right then, and had I not been willing to wait for things I wanted, I probably would have just walked right out of there.”

One thing about it, I always knew that my parents loved me, and that helped ease the pain of being told no. When I was in my early teens, I recall one day when my dad came into my room to have one of those talks. I was lying across my bed, and my father sat at the foot. After chitchatting a little, he said, “You know, you are really growing up fast. It seems like just yesterday you were a baby. I want you to understand that your mother and I love you more than anyone ever could, and we would never in our wildest dreams intentionally do or say anything that would cause you harm in any way.”

I remember perking up a little as he said, “Abby, as you get older, there are going to be times when mama and daddy are going to have to use our judgement about certain things. And you may not understand why we don’t let you go somewhere or do something that you want to do. You are going to have to trust that we love you and that our decisions have your best interest at heart.” Looking back, he was right when he said, “You will not be able to say that about most people you are going to run into, but you will never have to worry if your mother and I are doing what is best for you.”

Sure enough, later on in my teenage years, they had to make judgement calls that I did not understand at the time. And yes, they often hurt. But all in all, just like my father said, their decisions always were in my best interest over the long haul.

When the Bible commands us to “honor thy mother and thy father,” I believe this is to prepare us for a relationship with God Himself. We should have a heart that submits to authority -- His authority.

To Be Continued... Copyright 2000 by Abby Gail Smith (pen name of Robbie S. Redmon) All rights reserved.
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A Sharing of Marital Secrets- Excerpt #37

Great Faith (part 7 of 7)

Now, girl! You’re not gonna believe this one. There was another time we were out of food, and I didn’t know what we were going to do for lunch. Nevertheless, I had such a peace inside. I just knew God was going to take care of the situation. Craig and I were reading the newspaper while the kids were playing in their room. That’s when I came upon a full page advertisement “Craig, listen to this.” Then I read aloud, “Tent Sale… Name Brand Furniture for Less… Great Bargains… Come One, Come All to the Greatest Furniture Sale in Town.” Now here’s the good part, “Free Hot Dogs, Chips and Sodas.” By the time those words crossed my lips, Craig was up helping the kids put on their coats. We went on down to that tent sale, had lunch and even brought some home for dinner!

Now, I had not mentioned to him that we were out of food, but Craig always knows what is going on in his house. He may have to wait for divine guidance to handle the situation, but he seems to always know the status. I think sometimes we as women think that men should have all the answers when, in fact, they are just as human as we are. That means, sometimes they don’t know which way to turn either. And during those times, it’s just best to be still. But when a man gets still and waits for divine guidance, women perceive it as a non-caring attitude.

I am glad that I learned early in our marriage that Craig really loves me and he really loves his family. I’m glad I learned that just because he is quiet sometimes doesn’t mean he doesn’t care. Most men try to solve more of their dilemmas from within; most don’t have the need to voice everything like we do.

Just as my husband cares for his family, so does the Lord up above. Let me tell you, there was not one day or one meal through all those years that we went without eating. Now, I did not know about “faith work” then, but I did believe God would make a way, and that’s what He did. He made a way out of no way, and He did just that over and over again.

Did you know trusting God and having faith grows with your experience? We have to understand that sometimes our desires are not God’s desire for us, and we have to humble ourselves to the fact that He knows what is best for His children.

To Be Continued... Copyright 2000 by Abby Gail Smith (pen name of Robbie S. Redmon) All rights reserved.
Remember, I love hearing your comments!